So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
