u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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