This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have feelings that need drinking.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
