Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
