i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
