shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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