You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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