i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
