He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
