my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Mom said you looked used
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
