Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
