yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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