I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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