i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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