Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
