i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
