R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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