i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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