I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
