I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
