also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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