After last night, I could never be a politician.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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