I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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