Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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