You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
