Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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