I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
