i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
