I am spending my child support on dildos
you would pick up someone in the library
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
