and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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