somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
