I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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