some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
