fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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