Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
