I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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