im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
