Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
