first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
