My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
