i permit you to call me
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
