new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
