I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
