That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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