I'm lost and stupid without you.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize