Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
