you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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