Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
