Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
