i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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