garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize