Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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