I accidentally had phone sex last night
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
