But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
