how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
