you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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