I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
