Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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