i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
