So gin and wine won't be happening again
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
