He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
