WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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