I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
