My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
