Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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